You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i will never coherently bang her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
