i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
