We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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