I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
