she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
