I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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