I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
