for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
