so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
