new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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