Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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