when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
