I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
