the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
