I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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