Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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