HIV tests are more positive than that guy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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