I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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