So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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