nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
