I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
