The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
