I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
