my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
