Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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