I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
