I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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