After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
