I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
