fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
