2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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