1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
