my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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