yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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