dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
