I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
