I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just blew my weed a kiss
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
