I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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