Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
