i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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