I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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