I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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