Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
