Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
