I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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