I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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