After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
