Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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