That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
