look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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