Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
